And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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