Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
