take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
