she woke up with a sticky ear
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
