im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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