my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
