Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
