new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
