He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
