so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
