I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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