he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
