she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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