Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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