Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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