You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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