I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
