I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
