I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
