God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
