Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
