This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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