nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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