Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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