We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize