There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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