"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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