so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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