happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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