why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
