the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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