She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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