I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
