I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
