im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
