"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
