Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
