dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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