I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
