so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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