Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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