If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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