"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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