i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
