I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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