The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
