i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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