what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
