I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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