So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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