I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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