Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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