it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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