I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
