i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
