if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
