Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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