After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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