if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's like iHOP with fire
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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