i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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