I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
