Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
