So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
