i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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