She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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