dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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