shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize