i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
