The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
