Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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