Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
