someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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