I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
