I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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