Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
