if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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