then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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