Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Welp...herpes.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
