they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
