Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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