I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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