I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
