did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
