i just made my gag reflex go away.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
