Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
