I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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