i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
