There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
