Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
