i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
