I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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