how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
