Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
