im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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