The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
