There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
